For the past four years I have changed the place I am living more than I can even count. It seems like an impossible thing to find - A HOME.
Where is my home ? Or is home where I am?
Again I have came to a situation, where I am leaving again. Another place, another life, another everything. I am doing it for my dreams to come true, but at the same time I am shivering.
Again. Am I really moving again?
Living in Helsinki is not cheap. To be a horse rider in Helsinki is going to take you to bankrupt, unless you own a bank yourself. Or that is what I thought when I was younger. The pattern was clear. You start horse riding when you are young. Your parents pay you one or two lessons a week. When you get better, you start getting private lessons. After that, you start to compete and finally you buy (parents buy) your very own 20,000€ horse. Happy days. Brilliant times. Although, I only got to the stage one.
I grew up with my single mum, in an economically, very carefully planned childhood, where every penny was counted. Later on, the pennies ran out and I had to give up my loved hobby. That's it, I thought. I had fun, but horse-riding is for rich people.
Seven years later, I got a brilliant opportunity to gain back all the lost hope and call myself a horse rider again. I was helping a private family in New Zealand, to ride and train their horses. Of course, I had to use little white lie to get that place in the first place, but in the end everything turned out well. It was then I realised, that I don't need money to ride horses. I need sacrifices.
During the past few years, I have found myself in numerous occasions, where I have been able ride horses, teach others, have lessons and just learn and experience more than I ever did in my youth. I have not used lots for lessons or expensive horses. I have just used lots of time.
Even though, it hurts, in some ways, to pack my rucksack again and to bus to the Helsinki-Vantaa airport for the hundredth time, I cannot complain. As long as I feel there is still something to accomplish elsewhere, I have to go.
I am still in the very beginning of my dream to be able to ''talk horse'' and it will take me several years to learn the skills to call myself a horse trainer. I am not even sure if I ever will be as it is not easy. I just cannot do else than try.
I rather fail trying, than give up.