Have you ever ridden a horse and left home frustrated because everything did not go as planned? If you are a horse rider, you probably know what I am talking about - circles are not perfect, canter is not balanced, jump is not as high as week ago or your horse spooks on everything. It can be anything you expected to be different, but your horse was not ‘’listening’’ you.
Can we try to drop our expectations and learn to listen the horse instead?
I have been riding Icelandic horses the past few months, which are mainly used for trekking. And trust me, these horses are really good at what they are doing. It is only when you try to school one in the arena or go hacking out all by yourself, the problems starts. Or actually, it is only when I have other expectations for the horse. That is when the problem start.
As we ride a horse, we are asking a lot from those amazing animals. We are taking them out from their comfort zones as we try to get new experiences and ride them as we enjoy it.
Does the horse enhoy it as well? - The question remains.
The least we can do to make the ride as comfortable as possible - for both of us - is called a team-work. We should be able to listen the horse as he listens us. So if one of us if having a bad day and nothing seems to work out, we are happy take a step back and do something else. Giving up and listening the animal are two way different things. And that is what everyone should be able to recognize.
Trying to school a horse who is used to run in the forest with his friends, is not easy. I came to notice that very quickly too as I had to drop my expectations way lower.
Imagine a day at work where everything seems to go wrong. Children do not listen to you, stock market is crashing, electronics do not work, misunderstanding with a boss or hot coffee on your keyboard. If someone comes and verbally beats you up after doing a mistake, how would you feel? More energised to try again or just lose the bit of confidence you did not even know you had left? Unless you are a super-human, I guess we all would feel miserable.
So what makes us eligible to punish the animal or force it to try harder if he is not feeling it? Do you think it will boost the animal’s confidence and develop his skills as he does something from fear or pain? Hmm, probably not.
The one thing I have learnt (and will learn every day from now on as well) from horses is acceptance. Accepting who they are and what they are good at. Accepting their flaws and how they differ from us humans. Accepting that they have feelings and bad days as well. Accepting that, some days, I just need to get off from the horse and do something else. Accepting that, not only am I riding the horse, but so is he ‘riding’ me. It is pure team-work with an animal who weighs hundreds of kilograms more than I and if am going to force him to do something, it will come right back to me later.
I am not saying that every time my horse wants to do something differently I will let him do that - not always - but only sometimes. As he listens me most of the time very kindly, why cannot I listen to him sometimes and give up my expectations. My job as a human, is to use my brain and learn from those animals as they are trying to talk to us. Maybe then, I can gain trust and learn how to negotiate them into places they would not normally go.
It does make me wonder, where goes the line? When can we say that we have tried enough but not too hard. When is the time to stop? When can we still go a bit forward? How many times can we try, until we give up entirely?